Posted by Joyce
Needed some blog therapy. (as well as the quick session I had to have at work before I ******** punched someone.) Nice deep breaths........

Anyway, haven't really seen Hannah today, but she and Bob had a wonderful time apparently, and spent the day at the indoor climbing centre, where the both hung upside down from harnesses all day. Takes all sorts. And then they had pancakes again, and Bob went to a talk from Brown Owl about brownie camp.

I was so proud of Hannah, as none of her friends are going, as a sort of knock-on effect, where one said she wasn't, and the others all sort of followed suit "if XXX isn't going, I'm not". But Hannah decided SHE wanted to go, and she was sure she's meet someone there to be friends with, so she put her name down. And we didn't send her to school three years ago because she was terrified of being away from me for 2 minutes.

Posted by Joyce
All the usual stuff. Made pancakes. Ate pancakes. Made more pancakes......

Spent ages looking at hieroglyphics, and started the Egypt project in the Mr Bean mag.Practically every object in the
living room has a little card stuck on it, with its name in hieroglyphic.

With loads of encouragement, Hannah read the first chapter in Ruby the Red Fairy. She's actually fine with it, but she sits clutching my hand throughout, and looking terrified. The fear of reading is just such an issue for her, but she is working hard with it. I can't at the moment imagine she will ever pick a book up for pleasure, and that really makes me sad. At her age, there was no place I would rather be than somewhere quiet with a pile of books, and it just scares the shit out of her. One thing I have noticed though is that her "incidental" reading is becoming much more spontaneous, and she will easily read recipes, the blurb on the back of DVDs etc, so there is definitely progress.

She has almost finished that nezert book - 500 adding sums. I really can't see what the attraction is, but she has really taken a shine to it, and is delighted that she can "add to 100,000" already. And it has certainly started to strengthen her recall of number bonds, which was another issue for her.

Well, think that's it. Work tomorrow, so no blogging. See you Thursday!

Posted by Joyce
Last night's post, but blogger wasn't having any of it......

We had a long walk with the doll's pram this morning. Hannah still loves it, and its lovely Silver Cross one (not the hard body, the other kind), that my mum bought her for her second birthday, but she is really too tall for it now. Anyway, I watched her busy-ing around, looking after her baby, etc, and I just thought she looked so little-girl and childlike, and probably very un-cool. But blissful. Walked along the sea front, and then popped into the bank to pay some bills, and pick up a prescription at Boots, by which time it was so cold, the only possible thing to do was to have hot chocolate and marshmallows in Ottackers. While Hannah breast fed baby Annabelle. With her jumper up round her ears. She is desperate for a baby sling, and I'm reluctant to hand over my hugababy (don't know why, really), so I must try to cobble one together for her. And, oh no - its true - Disney is taking over the world! There's a new Disney princess partwork, with a doll with each issue. Hannah bought the first one for herself, as it was £2.50. I refused to get involved ;-)

Got home about lunch time, and I left Hannah playing while I did an hours work, so was amazed when she appeared at the door with "a puzzle" as she couldn't work out how to add 1/3 to 1/2. In true HE style, I rapidly drew a circle to demonstrate ;-) I need to get more creative about fractions though - I end up using circles to explain as its easier, but I'm concerned that she might start to think they ONLY apply to circles. How do other people do this? We then had a long chat about "the olden days" ie pre-decimalisation, and we looked at a book of old town photos of this place. 30 years ago is so vivid in my mind still, but looking at the pictures, it looked like another era altogether. And then we got all the old glam rock cassettes out, and had a T Rex moment or two. By which point, I was probably embarrassing her. Wish they had those on the dance mat, though! Pans People, eat your heart out.

We'd planned to go out again, but it was so cold, we decided to stay indoors, and she did some worksheets, read a bit, and we played with the lego. Bob took her to swimming and dancing, and I lazed in front of the telly.

She couldn't get to sleep this evening (too much sleep yesterday) so we got out a postcard with hieroglyphics that a friend sent her from Egypt last week, and she worked out how to write everyone's name, and then wanted to write a letter to her MEP complaining about the dog poo. (In English, I presume, but who can tell?). I had to explain that while Brussels might be interested in saving the dolphins, dog poo had a different democratic process, and even I'm not keen to take on local government. That child is going to turn into an Aggravated from Airdrie if I'm not careful.........

Posted by Joyce

Sunday

Had a lovely day. The weather was beautiful, although it was freezing. We had to take the caravan to Dumfries to be serviced, and pathetically, it was quite exciting to be tootling along with it on the back. Really reminded me it would be spring soon, and we'd be out in it every week. I spend all winter trying really hard not to get down with the lack of sunlight, and as soon as I have the clocks going forward in my sights, I just feel so happy.

After we'd dropped it off, we had a pub lunch, which we haven't done for ages, and then a walk along the river, and on the way back to the car, we popped into Smiths and had some retail therapy in the shape of buy one get one half price that they have on books and DVDs.

When we came home, I had some less exciting retail therapy on the PC buying new car insurance; DENPLAN as our NHS dentist has decided only to do private work, and we can't get one with thin 50 miles to take us on (that's how far we travelled to the old one); renew the service contract on the central heating and generally spend hundreds of pounds on things that aren't fun.

After a lovely day Hannah and I had a falling out, and she stormed off to her room "as she couldn't bear to be in the same room as me", climbed into bed and fell asleep straight away, at 6pm. She's only just woken up, so hopefully 14 hours of zeds will have put her in a better frame of mind. She does this periodically, its like she sleeps so little, she suddenly just can't go on, and sleeps almost round the clock one day, which re-charges her for the next three months
:-(

And then I spent ages trying to sort out the coding thingy to put pix on the blog. Unsuccessfully.

Posted by Joyce

Posted by Joyce
If its not one thing, its another.......sigh.

Hannah has had this sore spot under her nose for the last day or so, which I've been trying to ignore as I had a fair idea what it was. No ignoring it any longer though, as its now developed the classic "crunchie" crust of what she has charmingly named infant tiger (impetigo). This is the second time she's had it after a trip to hospital, so it doesn't say much for the hygiene arrangements there, I guess. Fortunately, I've still got antibiotic cream from the last time, which hasn't been opened, so we've slapped that on in the hope it will avoid the need for an oral antibiotic.

Otherwise I good day. Bob did the dance/drama/fitkid run, and she brought a friend home with her for the afternoon. They played on the dance mat for a good while, taking turns as we only have one mat for the PS, and when they were fed up with that, the two of them played Cadoo. I'd nothing in that the friend fancied for tea - forget how lucky I am that Hannah tends to eat what's put in front of her -so I earned myself mega mummy points by taking them both to soft play for tea. So friend was returned home exhausted and ready for bed at 7pm.

Did a quick 4 mile walk, and picked up Whale Rider, which we haven't watched yet, as Hannah is in our bed watching Matilda (can't sleep as nose too sore - yeah, right!), and dh watching Jonathon Crook downstairs (why?). Anyway, means I can play on the PC without anyone complaining.

Hope we get a better sleep tonight. We had three heavy breather phone calls during the night last night, till eventually I switched the phone off. When I did 1471 this am there had been at least one more after I'd switched off. And then the postman delivered the remnants of December's science kit at 6.45am. The box was wrecked, and everything was missing from it, which was really annoying. So a bit light on sleep.

Posted by Joyce
Nice day.
We had home ed group, and though we are down to three parents and 8 children, it went well, and Hannah seemed to have a good time. We aren't doing very well with this group though - since we started 11 months ago, one family was asked to leave by the others while I was at MP camp last summer, one mother died, and another left two meetings ago because of "irreconcilable differences". The rest of us all had a bit of a group bonding session today though, so hopefully it will work out.

When we came home, Hannah did some more of the 500 sums series, and we read for a bit. Then we phoned for a Chinese takeaway, and got a DVD called Spellbound out. Wasn't what I expected - must have mixed it up with something else - it turned out to be almost a home video compilation of 8 children who had entered the national spelling be in the USA. It was a bit of an advert for USA plc, and I keep thinking that the actual plot would start soon, but it didn't.

Also had a bit of an argument with someone over HESFES. I hate it that everyone want to slag it off, without even trying it. I was certainly worried last year when I went, but really enjoyed it - and yes, amazing what a group of volunteers on a limited budget can pull off. I felt really apreciative. Its so - parochial, here sometimes. Love it, yes, beautiful, yes, but for heavens sake - I was the only person from Scotland who even went to the Melrose camp.

also spent hours on the phone trying to get a camp site booked for Easter, and despite calling about 20 places, couldn't find anywhere with space. I can't get my head around planning a camping holiday months ahead. We're thinking of Wales now - any recomendations? Hannah wants to go back to Henley, so we can: see Poppy; go to Legoland; go to the Science Museum; see the dinosaurs; go on the Eye again. I'm trying to explain to her that this is meant to be a cheap break, and in London, it won't be. Oh well, at least she hasn't asked for EuroDisney, despite its heavy advertising ;-)

Posted by Joyce
I'm having a crisis.

Hannah has been with the same childminder for 4 years. She goes six days a month - every Wednesday, and approx every second Thursday, depending on DH's shifts. Its had its ups and downs, but basically its a good arrangement. Hannah loves her, and she dotes on her youngest boy, who is sort of a surrogate brother to her. However, the childminder sent a note home with Hannah last night to say she is looking for a full time post, and will be stopping childminding as soon as she gets it (which I think will be soon). She's even asked me to be a referee for her (and she's good, she deserves it)

Now, I know there is always a choice, and my choice at this point could be to give up work. I'm convinced we *need* my earnings, but I accept that other people get by on less, and we would too. More difficult for me to cope with though is that constitutionally, I'm a worrier, and DH has already been made redundant twice in the last 5 years. Even more that the money, I *need* to feel that even if he lost his job again, we could get by on my income and the mortgage protection policy. Its my security blanket, and I don't want to loose it. My earning potential is greater than DH's, so another option would be for me to start working full time, and him to stay at home. But neither of us want to do that. We both know our limitations. He couldn't bear to be full time HEing, and I couldn't bear only to see dd at weekends. And that's what it would mean, as full time would immediately bring all the travel, overnights away etc that it did before, but that I currently manage not to do.

I could start to look for another childminder, but I've never left Hannah with anyone she didn't know before. The last childminder was a friend from my NCT ante-natal group, so she's always known her. When I looked for a childminder before my friend offered to do it, nobody *got* HE at all, and it was incredibly difficult to find anyone even willing to think about it. Although I pay well over the local going rate for childminding atm, I've always felt it was worth it, but even so, it doesn't stretch to nanny pay, even if I could find one willing to do so few days. There aren't any HEers within anything like a sensible radius to ask. No family for a couple of hundred miles, either, so not even a short term solution. I suspect this is a problem that will need to be dealt with within a very short time.

Hannah is distraught about not seeing her old childminder and her kids regularly - she's not daft, and she knows if the woman is working full time, then there will be very limited opportunities for seeing them, no matter what is said now. I've tried to put a positive spin on it for Hannah, and I've talked to her about it being a good time for reflection. Dh thinks maybe now is when we should at least consider school, as we've already HEed for a year longer than I said we would initially.

Hannah is dead set against school, but the irony is, while she couldn't have coped with school three years ago, she has blossomed so much she probably would be fine now. I also worry as I know I have enormous influence over her, and while I never do the anti-school thing, I worry that she has set her face against it to please me, in some way, and I suspect if I did a major PR job on it, I could talk her into it. Which is not what I want to do, but its having that amount of influence that is scaring me. I'm suddenly having the collywobbles about what if this is all just about me, and what I want, and I've influenced her at some subliminal level to feel the same.

Hannah says that what she wants is to stay HEed, and to have a HE childminder (not an option). Her next choice is to find "someone else nice" to look after her, though she is worried about that, but trusts that we would find someone she liked. Dh thinks we should at least talk positively to her about school being an option in August, and that we can cobble together care till then with annual leave, working round his shifts (only a limted option, as he is coming off them in the summer, we think), taking her to granny's for a few days etc. And I don't want her to go to school, and I'm worried that's my issue, and it is where she should/could be. And might enjoy.

I love HE, and I think she does too, but I know she is lonely sometimes, and maybe at 8 I am being selfish not to send her. She thinks she wouldn't like it, but she doesn't know that. The law here means I can't easily do the "try it and see" bit - she's in for a while, if she goes. I think that the sudden and unexpected realisation that things are going to have to change because of childcare has made we ask again all the questions I asked myself at the beginning. And the answers aren't any clearer. What makes me so sure HE is right, when thousands, millions even, of kids go to school. She already has unusual circumstances, the only child of older parents. Does she need this laid on her as well. I love her so much, and love being with her so much, and what if THAT is why she isn't at school. A much longed for baby who came along when we'd stopped expecting one, and now we can't bear to let her go? About me, and not her. I can't even tell any more.

DH won't overrule me on this - I know that. I don't even think he is particualry pro-school - its just he thinks it's something we should consider.

Posted by Joyce
We had a nice day today. Hannah decided she desperately wanted an Ariel outfit, so we went to the material shop, and got a lovely remnant of sea-like material. Some judicious knotting later - and hey presto. Finished off with a shell necklace of ELC beads.

I'm having a bit of a moral conflict here though. I really detest the Disneyfication of the world, and we've kept exposure to Disney films, merchandise etc to a minimum - hence the fact that a visit to the Disney store and the purchase of her first ever Disney outfit was one of the highlights of Hannah's holiday. Anyway, the only thing she is showing much interest in reading is the ladybird Disney books and the princess magazine. And I hate them. She read 101 Dalmatians tonight, and it is so - inelegant. Yuck. It makes me immediately want to take the editor's red pen to it. And yet on the other hand, if she reads it, its all practice. Which she desperately needs. So that must be good. Mustn't it? Its not even so much about the quality though, so I am happy for her to read comics, easy books, anything, to get her going. But its the whole Disney morality. Letting her buy/use the stuff feels about the same as letting her eat McDonalds. But then, funnily enough, its really ironic at the hospital that the parent's house is built by the Ronald McDonald foundation, and I was happy enough to use that. Bob and I used to take turns sleeping/washing/eating etc at the house, as there are no parents facilities on the wards - you even have to go to outpatients to get a loo you can use. She doesn't get the Barbie thing at all, so I've been spared that, so maybe I should just swallow my ideals on this one, and let her do the whole Disney thing till she gets tired of it. Sigh.

Goodness, I seem to be having too many moral dilemmas this week - obviously too much time on my hands. So what else - we've avoided a lot of our usual haunts with it being half term, and so busier, and usually costlier. But we have taken advantage of the school kids being around to do things like get her feet measured, as Hannah can't bear being stuck with her shoes off and having to deal with the "no school today then?" question. Having said that, the Startrite shop (about the only place that does shoes in an H fitting), doesn't stock size 3s in wider fittings, so her shoes have had to be specially ordered. And will probably take about 6 weeks Uh??? We also wanted to get her decent trainers for running in, and ran into problems there as well, as the shop only stocked up to size 2 in junior shoes, and then the adult ones didn't start till size 4. I hate buying shoes.

I had to take her to swimming class today, and I was really amazed. She already has her Silver badge, and Bob had been annoyed that she didn't get moved up a class last time, and I thought he was just having a proud daddy moment. But she really swims like a fish, and I have to say, she did look as if she is in the wrong class, compared to the other kids. It funny too, as Hannah is always the tallest where ever we go, but in her swim class she is the smallest one (so goodness knows what age the other kids are), and she suddenly looked so wee and young. Its a perspective we hardly ever get.

I have to thank Bob for all the activity related stuff though. I was researching for an article the other day, and the standard recommendation is that kids need about an hour of physical activity most days, and I wondered how realistic that is for most kids in school, especially during the winter. But on top of all the running/cycling/swimming he does with her, she and I usually walk at least 4 miles every day she's not at the childminder, and then there's soft play, Fitkid etc as well. And she still hardly ever sleeps.

Posted by Joyce

Hannah finally getting back on her feet, so dh took her for a 60 minute cycle ride today. Well, she cycled, he ran. (I had a long lie).

Then after he went to work, the two of us had a cooking fest, and made two kinds of soup, clementine cake, banana loaf, muffins, a Red Dragon pie, plus loads of freezer meals for the next week or so. I felt very virtuous and domestic goddess like. OK, Alison - a bloody housewife ;-) Hannah helped with the weighing, chopping and stirring till she got tired, so then she brought the globe through to the kitchen, and we played a version of that FIAR book "How to make apple pie and see the world", and we tried to work out where all the various ingredients came from, how far they travelled to get here, etc. At which point I slumped into an ecological guilt trip, and vowed to eat only locally grown turnip and carrots for the next month as retribution. The problem is, the organic box from the local supplier is so seriously boring in February, that I find myself lurking at Safeway's vegetable counter, trying not to think of the air miles :-( And once I let my principles slip, I decide I might as well go the whole hog, and before I know it, all sorts of exotica has slipped into the trolley.

The two of us watched TV for a bit, and I had a bit of a rant about how no one except me does any tidying up, and threatened the black bag treatment - at which point Hannah cried, and I felt a cow. Hannah had bought a Disney princess mag, and read that for a bit. Harry Potter proved too much, despite a major financial incentive, so the deal is she reads for 20 mins every day, whatever she likes, but she needs to try. Actually, her reading is fine IF she will do it, but she finds it so un-enjoyable that she tries to avoid it, which then has the knock-on effect of meaning that the writing and spelling becomes more problematic. We are just about to move onto the next stage of the dyslexia programme though, but I have to laugh - I don't know what their definition of "fun, exciting etc" is, but it doesn't match either Hannah or I's understanding of those words. It's absolutely deadly. I don't think they get that having a cutesy picture on the page doesn't compensate for the mindless repetition involved. After the reading she did a few more pages of the Nezert book, of her own volition, and I read her DK finding out mag to her. (Merry - its got Henry Vlll in it this month, or do you never want to see him again?)

And then, for some reason (well, actually, I know the reason - she watched Corrie - BAD mother), she wanted to know all about surrogate mothers, and we meandered over that, touching on IVF and egg and sperm donation. And I wonder what blogger will give me as banner ads after posting this one? LOL

I'm trying to find a wall space big enough for that great map Alison mentioned, but I don't think I can do it - which is probably just as well, as I'm on an economy drive this month. I do like maps though, and I would love a really big one, just pinned up all the time. Road atlas just don't have the same effect, and everything else is a bit small. Don't have much planned for the week at all - think I'm having my post Melrose slump now, since last week was so hectic.

Posted by Joyce

Dh was working today, so I was forced to do the rounds of all the Saturday activities. Yuck - I can't stand all that trailing around, with no time to do anything in the 50 minute session, except sit and realise how much I do not fit in with all the other chat.

Other than that, making a slow recovery back to normal. Hannah is eating small amounts throughout the day, though we aren't really past the plain pasta and toast scenario yet. I told the hospital on no uncertain terms that if we ended up with a referral to the school health service I would consider it a gross breach of patient confidentially, and of the data protection act, and that I had explicitly denied consent for such a referral, so if it happened, I would be seeking legal advice. So we will see. I had the NHS Code of Practice on Protecting Patient Confiendentialty in my hand at the time so hopefully they got the message.

Had an issue with my mum today, who is concerned that we might get picked up by one of the truancy patrols, so we really should get a permission letter from the LA, because, after all "you've nothing to hide" Scream. Mum is also starting to fret about science (actually, something I feel confident gets covered well - she IS only 7, after all, so we're not talking rocket science here), exams, being tied to the apron strings and generally being "not like everyone else". We've met a really lovely little girl exactly the same age as Hannah who HE's, and lives just along the road from Bob's dad. So while a fair distance away, someone we can actually see pretty regularly. But I got the feeling my mum was almost disappointed, as she feels (I hallucinate), that for every child we meet, we are less likely to send dd to school. Sigh.

On the educational front - not much happened for a couple of weeks now. However, tonight Hannah sat down and did the first 80 sums on the Nezert "500 addition sums" book, which she was really pleased with for some reason.

And then Bob taught her how to make a Thai curry tonight. Result!

Posted by Joyce

I'm back

Was going to write a loooong post, covering the camp and everything that has happened since, but in the end, it was depressing me so much it was clearly not going to be a good user experience. LOL. Suffice to say that camp was great, Hannah had a wonderful time, renewed some friendships, and made some new ones. The hostel was an ideal venue, and the facilities were excellent. The week since we came back has not been good, and we are all pretty done in as a consquence. However, all over, and so I won't report it, but just start the blog afresh.