Hannah will get a look in on the blog someday soon. Must change the name lol. So this is coming to you from my brand new laptop. VBS. I haven't managed to get the wireless network running yet - no problems with it,  I don't think, but just haven't been able to finish it all. So I've installed broadband on this one for now, and left my desk top with a dial up. Anyway, I like the keyboard, except for the fact that I keep hitting control rather than shift, and I just couldn't get on with the touch pad mouse, so I've also taken the USB mouse from the desk top for now. Might look for wireless tomorrow. I think the graphics are fine. Not super smart, but OK, but it does seem a fair bit slower than my laptop, despite the memory. Would that be down to it having a smaller hard drive?? Dunno. My desktop is 80, and this is 60. The battery also doesn't last the claimed 5 hours - 3 would be nearer the mark. But I love it already. It's called Fluffy, if you are interested :-) Tonight I'm going to try to set up a connection via my new mobile. I've been sent the flaming Netsky worm another four times today in spam mail, on the desktop, so I was desperate to get some security on it, but it's all buttoned up now. I just need a good (free) spam filter. I've been using cloudmark, but it's not free for OE any more. SP2 took an age to download. I'd been feeling optimistic as it only took about 30 mins on the other PC to do it a couple of weeks ago, but I suppose I had been putting bits on very week with automatic updates, while this needed to whole pack. So it took nearly two hours from beginning to end. So, haven't done any packing, washing or working, (didn't have to worry about HEing, as Hannah wanted to stay in bed again, as she is still feeling a bit ropey), but - hey  - my laptop is working :-)

Just trying to see if I can get this to post by email.....

 

Hannah felt a lot better today. Still peaky and wobbly, but well enough for me to feel OK about leaving her at home with her Dad for half the day while I went to work. If she carries on like this, she'll be fine for going away at the weekend as planned. She's spent another day on the sofa listening to tapes, and drawing. Layla - that Draw Write Now stuff is going down a treat.

 

I spent about half an hour in car phone warehouse, getting harassed by a child who wanted me to buy a new mobile with a wired connection. More boring details about this in the comments for previous post. Horrible stressful stuff at work about having to re-apply for posts in our newly reorganised workplace. I hate all of this. Rather unfortunately, Bob is also having the same experience, so we both feel obliged to try to get a post, in case the other doesn't. Yeuch. it's been going on for both of us for months, but I've suddenly run out of patience with it all.

Update on Hannah in the comments below. She has gone to her own bed tonight, albeit that she still wants to have side on it, and she says she is still dizzy, but not as bad as she was. The travel sickness pill will more or less have worn off by now, so I am hoping that she stays better, and that it wasn't just down to that. Anyway, she's eaten a bit better today, and had toast and fruit around 5pm, as she thought that was all she could eat, then came and sat with the two of us at the table, and scaffed half of our meal as well, so I feel a little less worried.

Nothing educational today. She didn't even want TV as that was making her worse, so she has just carried on listening to Philip Pullman. I had a rather more exciting day. First, Hannah fancied a smoothie, so I flung some fruit in the blender, and walked through to the living room. Almighty bang, splattering splashy sound: ran back to kitchen to find broken glass everywhere, blended mango and orange all over (ALL over) the kitchen, and the blades from the blender orbiting around my head. It appears that the motor imploded (casing burnt out), and the bang shattered the glass, and then the blade carried on rotating, and sent itself into orbit. Oh well, the kitchen needed cleaned.

I then opened a work email, and got the blooming I-worm virus, so it took an hour to fix that. And then (tar-ah) I went and bought myself a laptop!!! It's silver. It's got 512 RAM, 60 Gb hard drive, centrino, wireless enabled, DVD+Writer. it doesn't have blue tooth, but the guy flung in a Bluetooth external adapter to get the sale. I actually bought it from PC world - I only went in there to check the keyboard out, as I was going to buy on line, but he knocked £50 off the best price I had found, and flung the Bluetooth in if I bought it there and then. So I did :-) So I am rather pleased. However, I bought it with an MasterCard that I keep for emergencies only (well, this WAS an emergency!!), and that I hardly ever use. Bob and I normally just share one Visa account so we can keep track of what we are spending. However, I've actually been saving up for the laptop, but didn't have access to the money while I was in the store, so thought I would bung it on this card to keep it separate from other expenditure. Anyway, although they did a security check in the shop, by the time I got home 40 minutes later, they had already been on the phone to check if it WAS a legitimate purchase, and I hadn't had the card stolen. It all gets a bit confusing then, as Bob didn't know I'd gone laptop shopping, knew I hardly ever used that card, told them it must have been stolen, so they had put a stop on the card. Took another hour of pressing buttons to speak to a human being to sort that one out.

I don't have a Bluetooth phone (yet), but I might be seen walking the streets of Scarborough next week, looking for a hotspot :-) Or (wonders) how much does a bluetooth phone cost - and then how much will the connection cost for emails. Alison/Chris - is that what you use?

On a lighter note

Following on from my gloomy comment, to my own miserable previous post, I thought I would raise the tone a little. Does anyone know - can you get PCs that look as good as Apples? It would be crazy to buy an Apple (for me), but I do so love how they look. I'd love to have a pink laptop. Or a red one. Or purple. Or possibly orange. How shallow can I get?

We don't really do children well in my family

My little sister died a few days after her 10th birthday. Hannah's cousin died of a brain tumour when she was nine. Hannah herself has already faced more major life threatening challenges than many people face in a lifetime, and she is still not the age these two were when they died.

So maybe its not too unreasonable that today I am sitting in a calm-on-the-surface and completely ******** panic stricken mess inside because she has had a splitting headache all day, and is feeling very dizzy. She hasn't got out of bed all day, because she is so shaky on her feet. She's not ill/ill, in that she doesn't have a fever, doesn't mind the light on, has eaten a couple of snacks and is listening to Northern Lights on CD. But meanwhile, I'm just demonstrating how well I can do worry :-(

And as a complete aside, for my third post of the day...

I bought Hannah one of these the other day. I was hesitant, as it seemed a lot for what it is, but it is absolutely brilliant, and she uses it all the time. She is (ahem) using it to write a story at the minute. It gives her an independence that an ordinary dictionary can't as she types in the word phonetically, and it provides all the near options. It wouldn't have helped a few months ago, but her reading has reached stage now where she can select which word she wants from a list. And I've tried all sorts of bizarre spellings in it, from zilofon to sicel and its always come up with the correct word (which is more than the spell checker in word does!) Well, I like it :-)

Two blogs in a day

Had a bit of a scary experience this morning, just after I blogged before. I was sitting reading, and suddenly I felt overwhelmed with panic, my heart was racing, I thought the walls were going to crash in on me, I felt really lightheaded, I had to rush to the loo, and generally thought I was dying. So I guess I probably am having panic attacks. But of course, the irony of having them, is that because you are panic stricken, and because its hard to believe that the symptoms are not something serious, as they feel so bad, is that you convince yourself that *you* are the one who is being misdiagnosed, and that *mine* is not a simple panic attack, but rather the early indicators of a stroke, heart attack etc. I restrained myself from rushing to casualty. But only just. I think if I could have been sure that it wouldn't be the same triage nurse on who was there the last twice I've gone up with one, convinced I was dying, I would probably have gone. The first time she was sympathetic, the second she acted like I was a completely time waster. The irony is that I have always been a real coper. So not sure I like this new development one bit.

So as distraction therapy, I've done a massive cook-in, so the freezer is bursting with: lentil loaf, bean cassulet, red dragon pie, and nut loaf. I've also roasted all the bits of things that were left in last week's box, so that I can chuck them in casseroles etc later. I've made a Clementine cake, a chocolate trifle and two different kinds of crumbles - one sweet, and one savoury. What a housewife ;-) Hannah is much better now, so we had a stir fry, and she doing some workbook or another. Once she's finished, we're going to snuggle up to watch some Sat night TV. Poor DH is off to work.

Odds and sods

Seemed to spend half the week doing interviews with people, and absolutely knackered now. Hannah had a great day out with some HE friends while I was at work on Wednesday, and learned all about peat. They dropped her at grandpa's at the end of the day, as I didn't know how late I would be at work, and he had given her dinner by the time I arrived at about 7pm. Then on the way home, the motorway was closed, and finally got home about 10pm. I was shattered, had missed lunch and dinner, and had only had toast at 5.30am. Defrosted some frozen curry, which gave me indigestion, and had enough energy left to have an argument with DH though when he got home from work at midnight :-(

Thursday was rather more relaxed, and we had a good walk along the beach. However, its filthy already. They stop raking it after the September holiday weekend, which was only last week, and already its a mess of broken glass, used condoms, litter and assorted tat. And that is before you even look below the water line :-(. The water quality has suddenly gone down to poor as well, I noticed, although I never believe them when they say it's good. So I think that might be the last time we hit the sand till Easter. We popped along to the shops and got a couple of bits and pieces we need for camping next week. (thermals, fleece blankets, hot water bottles, etc ;-))In the evening, Hanna wrote some letters, and really surprised me with her handwriting. The we snuggled up on the sofa with some popcorn and a trashy DVD.

Friday I was back at work all day, and Bob got the pleasures of the HE group. He does take her to things quite often, as I'm often at work if he is off, so its not novel for him. However, I think that was the first time he'd gone where it wasn't an outing, but rather a "sit around while the kids play" event, so he was - challenged, I think. And then I'm driving home around 8pm, and I see him and Hannah walking along the road. Turns out he had no keys. We had gone in one car (his), and I had dropped them off in Glasgow. I TOLD him to take his house key off the key ring since he was leaving me the car key. Which he did. And then promptly put it down on the back seat. So they had come home at 3pm on the train, and had been wandering about waiting for me ever since. And I was nearly a lot later, so they were lucky. Hannah had apparently been a star, but Bob was fed up as he was going out on night shift at 10pm, and had hoped to get a couple of hours sleep. Instead, they had been wandering around keeping warm.

Hannah insisted on sleeping with me, then, and tossed and turned all night. And this morning, she isn't well at all - she seems a bit flu-ey and miserable, so she had better not give it to me before we go away next weekend. Or if she does, I want it NOW, and not next Friday. Anyway, she's asleep right now, tucked up with Dh, who is also sleeping, so peace reigns.

A pox on Johnnie......

The dalmation trousers arrived (size 11/12), and the length is fine, but they are falling off her otherwise. Even a belt isn't enough. Grrrrr.

I have to say it......

Sometimes my kiddo is real star. But anyone of a more delicate disposition should probably look away now. I had to have an unexpected meeting today, and there was no option but for Hannah to come with me. I was a bit nervous about the meeting, and with the perception of an 8 year old, Hannah must have picked this up from the several ranty phone calls she heard me having with her dad this morning before we left. Putting on the power lipstick and taking off the Brashers and the black combats probably also gave her a hint that this was important ;-). So we pull into the multi-storey in the old Peugeot-mobile, and she reaches over, pats my hand and tells me "you can do it mummy - go and kick ass". I think she picked it up from Daddy Daycare. :-) So having been well buoyed up in the ass kicking department from several unexpected quarters, I think I managed to do just that :-) Hannah was great for the whole hour I was there, read a book quietly in the reception area, and by all accounts charmed the very young Australian receptionist, who had told her all about Outback schools radio, thought home education was "cool", and painted her nails for her.

We stopped off at our favourite book store coffee shop on the way home for a wildly overpriced but fun late lunch, and bought the Secret Unicorn, which she is going to read next. Now we are getting all set up with the scalectrix, to have an evening at the races ;-)

And as if that wasn't all educational enough, Hannah got up early this morning, did some more of the cpg maths for KS2, and drew a rather detailed ariel view of the neighbourhood, which we both feel rather pleased with. I had also brought home last week an old whiteboard that was getting thrown out, and she has been using that the last couple of days for mind maps - it doesn't seem to be as frightening to her as blank paper, and after all - who CAN write neatly on a whiteboard?

Well, its been a sod of a couple of days

I've already posted a massively edited post for Sunday, but there was more. I was just trying to decide if it was appropriate to blog it or if it was the kind of thing that got one sacked. And then I thought why not.

So Sunday first:

One of the Sunday's (won't say here which) did a really horrible, and actually very inaccurate piece on a project I managed. So I've had my mum, and sundry friends on the phone asking "is that you?" and "will you lose your job?" I felt absolutely sick when I read it. So while I can spend all day correcting it, whoever remembers rebuttals? :-( It's really hard, as while on one hand I would defend to my last breath the need for a free press, on the other, its bloody hard to take it when they print a version you just don't recognise as the truth, and upset all your family.

Otherwise, we had a nice recovery day after Saturday. Hannah had me sit on her bed all day, but I was to be allowed to work so long as I stayed there and chatted at the same time. So I dragged about 3 miles of cabling across the house, so that I could use my laptop. Roll on wireless. First the Sylvanian Family had a sail in their canal boat, and when they got tired of that, the moved into the Playmobil fairy castle, while the playmobil people moved into a shoe-box house. Quite a chain going on here. And then she did a new build on a brown field site with her lego. So basically we just stayed fairly close to one another all day. I looked at Alphasmart, which were recommended to us before, but I had discounted on the basis of cost. The cheapest I have managed to find one is £159 plus VAT, with another £99 plus VAT for the predictive software. We just can't make our minds up about it. Although if it works for her, it would be the kind of thing she could use for years. So I'm still thinking about that.

Monday

The weather was foul, so we stayed indoors all day, and did some maths (out of a book! eek!), and some Viking work in preparation for Jorvick. And then we made pizzas (only in the breadmaker), and followed through on a science kit that needed some follow up work done. We also did a little writing, but I will draw a veil over that :-). When Bob came home, he took Hannah swimming, and I went for a walk in the rain. But now I'm annoyed again. And I'm not sure if I'm being a grumpy unreasonable git or not. Basically, I have been asked to participate in a HE conference that is being organised here between HEers and LAs. I think its a great idea, its being organised by HEers, and I was really pleased to be asked to participate. Now I sort of assumed that I could take Hannah along, and settle her in a corner of the conference hall with some work, and her audio books, but I have just been told that children are not allowed. Now I understand that its not an event FOR kids, but what happened to HE kids being part of community life? It feels to me a bit like organising an NCT conference, and then saying that breast fed toddlers aren't welcome. So now I can't go. Its quite far away, so a long day, Bob already has a full diary, and can't get the day off. If I got my childminder to do an extra day, it would be another £40 on top of the conference fee and the travel costs. Enough to buy the predictive software, more or less. There is no one else to ask. Hannah wouldn't be disruptive at an event like that, (and would be swiftly removed by me if she was), so I just feel a bit hard done by, as I was really looking forward to taking part. I know that there will be lots of other people facing similar choices about it, but in some ways, I feel that since it is being organised by HEers, we should be making it clear that we mean what we say about kids learning from real life. Anyway - votes please - am I being a grumpy unreasonable cow?

Oh, well, that will be me dipping into my laptop fund again :-(

OK, I choose to do this, and actually, I don't want any of the interference that would come with funding, but sometimes, just sometimes, I think a little bit of help would nice. Even to try things out before you buy. But even if I *was* known, my council doesn't offer anything like that.

We keep the specialist dyslexia stuff to a minimum, but even the basic packages that the EP recomended for her was £60 a throw, and there were about three different packages. We decided to manage without one of them, and then we bought her one, and my mum paid for the other. So having searched the web today, looked on all the dyslexia sites, read all the reviews etc etc, apparently this is the thing that would make all the difference to Hannah. Yes, well. It's a LOT of money for what it is, given the price of bottom of the range laptops.Nevertheless, I can see why it might help, as it would get over some of the screen-based problems we have, and also the physical act of writing. It would also clear all the clutter that she can't deal with on a normal computer, and help build her keyboarding. I need to think about this.

Well, that went well :-(

Hannah has been getting increasingly agitated about her writing, and we've had several long chats about it. She finds the physical act of writing hard, and the intellectual part of putting thoughts on paper appears to be completely blocked as well. She was adamant she wanted more help, having refused to engage with it for years. I remember her nursery teacher making a deal about her "immatuity" in her artwork etc, and tbh, I just tuned her out. What was the big deal at three, after all. But very little has changed in that time.

Anyway, in reponse to her own sudden anxiety about it, over the last two weeks, we looked at loads of different materials, traditional and non traditional options. I encouraged her to think about whether it would be easier initially to work on drawing skills, to see if that would get her over the whole fear of creativity on paper; I asked if we should separate the act of writing from creativity, and that I would take dictation from her, and she could practise "handwriting" separately; I suggested that maybe should limit "writing" activities to her number type work for a bit, just so she got used to using a pencil, within a subject area she finds less challenging. I begged borrowed and skulked round bookstores with her to let her see what was out there. We looked at materials for three year olds to 9 year olds. We talked at length about different options she could utilise, and she decided what she wanted.

I told her that if we bought anything new, she had to be prepared to give it a go for a couple of weeks, but that was really my only proviso. She also wanted me to promise to sit with her, and "make" her do it every day, even if she didn't want to. We had a discussion about what she actually mean by "make" as I said it was something I felt uneasy about, but it really boiled down to her wanting me not to let her opt out the minute she found it hard. So this morning, we sat down, she set herself some very low key targets, which would have amounted to about 30 words of writing, had she completed it. We gave up after 6 words, and a hour.

Basically it involved her choosing a photo of herself as a baby, and writing a few lines about how she had changed from then. She refused point blank to recognise any changes, and when we finally dragged out some ideas, having looked at how other living things changed over time, she did everything to avoid writing them down, and tried every evasive tactic in the book. She screamed, cried, scratched at her eyes, (something that drives me wild, for some reason) flung herself off her chair and basically acted as if she was demented throughout the entire time. I felt like we turned the clock back about 4 years, when this was a normal pattern of daily behaviour. I can't make up my mind right now about whether I am furiously angry, or desperately distressed. We've done over the years all the normal skill building stuff, from finger painting, back writing, sand writing, painting the outside walls, threading beads, doing hama, etc etc etc, but she is completely stuck at a different stage of development. I'm going out for a long walk before I scream. Right at this minute a very attractive option would be to tell her she can just get to school on Monday :-(( And I know THAT makes me a horrible person, but right now I don't give a damn. I'm fed up with endless patience :-( (What IS the emoticon for sitting weeping)

Please let this not be an illusion

I am in love with my new childminder. In love as in totally enamoured, gob smacked and amazed. I am terrifed this woman is not for real. Hannah has taken to her in a way that I have never seen before. She thinks she is the most fantastic adult she has met. Now my last childminder was trustworthy, kind, affectionate. I couldn't say anything against her. But this one is so bright, sparky, and engaging. She has taught Hannah to do purl knitting. She set up the dance mat for her. She is teaching her to crochet. She doesn't mind if she practices her recorder. She believes learning is all around a child, that it would be impossible to have an interaction that didn't have some educational value. She is geared up to deal with the truancy patrols. She has read all about HE on the web. Please please don't let this all fall in it's face in a month. I can't believe after all the frogs I have kissed that we have found her, and she had a space. And OK, its for one day a week, but how great if Hannah can have a day away from me, with someone who is basically such fun for her. I just hope this isn't the first flush, and we will all hate one another in a month.

This is probably the most stupid question ever, so I'll ask it in the privacy of my blog.

Is it possible to download bits of a website onto a cd, so that it can be used later in the same way as the website? For example, there is a section of the BBC education site about Vikings that Hannah would like, and while she could use it online (we've got broadband, so its not a cost issue), she would actually rather sit with my laptop on her knee, and do it in the living room, rather than be stuck at my desk. My laptop belongs to work, and it has something ridiculous like a 33k dial up on it, so it is ridiculously slow, and I'm not allowed to install anything else on it. Is this possible?

Well, Alison, I'll try and keep the blogging side up, shall I? ;-)

Nothing really to report, though. Had a very long tedious day at work. Not only did I have the usual 3 hour log jams, but for extra fun today there was flooding all over the place, the tail end of a couple of hurricanes ago (it felt like), and my exhaust blowing out in the middle of nowhere. However, that was relatively OK, as I dropped the car into Kwik Fit on my way into the office, and told him to do the cheapest possible job. When I came back, he said they'd done a running repair, and he wouldn't charge me. Might last a week, or could last months, apparently. My car has nearly 200 000 miles on it, which even for a diesel is probably pushing it, so I have a real aversion to spending any money on it in case it just dies on me. I'm getting to the stage I'm reluctant to put a full tank of fuel in it in case I don't get to use it all. :-) Although the journey by car is bad, by public transport, I would actually have to leave the night before to get there in time. Integrated transport policy my bottom.

Bob and Hannah had done another science kit together, and he had shown her how to draw scientific diagrams. I'd forgotten all of that. Hannah had also done some knitting (teddy's scarf is getting long), and she had made a victoria sponge by herself. Why do they call them that? And she is sleeping on the floor AGAIN tonight. Not sure what that is about. That child listens to too many Famous Five tapes.

Anyway, back up at 5am for the repeat performance tomorrow, so off for a bath and bed.

Is it me, or is it very quiet in blogland? Anyway, after a very sad couple of days, had a much better one, where my faith in human nature feels somewhat restored. We are very excited about our trip to England next month, and flattered and delighted that so many friends are going out of their way to see us while we are away. Enhancing my holiday experience
*totally* ;-D

Hannah and I having yet another 15 hour stint by ourselves, and its been so cold and wet we spent a very lazy day reading to one another, and playing pick up sticks. The current obsession, along with tamagotchis. Mum bought her one when she was staying with them as a holiday present, and Hannah has played with it every day since. We've had a long chat about what she wants to achieve with her writing, and she has formulated a plan which she seems happy with. She also wondered as a bit of motivation if she could have a pair of velvet jeans out of the Boden catalogue. Duh? I got a couple of pairs of jeans and warm sweaters from H&M the other day in the hope they would see her through the winter (that shop is so cheap for it's kidswear, I can't bear to contemplate it's ethics.) But then I'm sure more expensive places aren't ethical either. It all gets so complicated. Still, I am virtuously knitting her some things as well, including a poncho, so I'm making some effort.

For reading, we've got Wolf Brother on the go (although Bob is reading that to her), Plum Creek (my responsibility) Our Island Story (mine again), and Hannah is reading a book called I wouldn't want to be a miner and, as mentioned, Utterly me Clarice Bean, plus an Animal Ark book about otters. We also watched Tarka on dvd this afternoon in honour of it, and Harry Potter on tape is on (again) in the background. I notice she is starting my habit of having several things on the go at once, dpending on her mood.

And then this evening we had swimming club, followed by Scottish Country dancing. The coach at the swimming club looked at me on the side and said "she yours?", and when I said yes, he said "she's good". He always looks really grim, so I had a proud mummy moment. The problem we are starting to face though is that the club will want her to start swimming competitively, and I feel she's too young. It all seems a bit cut-throat, and it involves early morning training twice a week. We don't have to decide yet, but its coming. Anyway, we finally got home a little while ago, and for some reason, she has decided to sleep in a nest on the floor, so is curled up in a sleeping bag in a tented contraption she has set up at the end of her bed. I, on the other hand, am going to bed :-)

It's all a bit damp here......

Well, there is me, weeping and wailing, there is Bob, off out doing (another) unpaid 12 hour Sunday, and there is Hannah, also weeping and wailing. Her problem is that she says she is stupid as she can't write or spell well. While I don't actually want her comparing herself with anyone, the irony is that if she compared herself with her HEed peers, she wouldn't judge herself so harshly, as there isn't the same obsessive amount of rote writing going on. But she doesn't. She compares herself to some little madam at Brownies who has told her she is thick because she writes messily, and spelled cloud as "clowd". Which is phonetically accurate. I've tried to tell her how proud I am at how she has learned to read. How brave she is. How good at sports she is. How kind, thoughtful and totally precious. But it would appear that I haven't as much clout as some bitchy 8 year old.

I have no doubt that her writing is "behind" a schooled child of the same age. But then I'm not sure how much support a dyslexic kid would get in the classroom, as apparently, the EP tells me, it usually isn't even picked up in school till around 7 or 8. She has worked SO hard with her reading, and recently read a Jacqueline Wilson "big girls book" by herself, and is now reading herself Utterly Me, Clarice Bean. She can also read her Horrible History magazines, and is gradually building up her confidence.Keyboarding isn't really a solution, as she can manage only limited time on the screen before she gets travel sick, which again is a dyslexic type issue. However we've had a long chat about it, and I've told her that while I don't see it as my role to "make" her do things, if she feels she is ready to make a serious attempt at writing, then we will do it together every day. So we've ordered the Just Write materials that Caroline mentioned, and I'm hoping that they will look different enough from a lot of the other stuff she has seen - Letts, WH Smith etc, that they help her to avoid triggering her usual phobic-type response. Sigh. When I think of the incredibly painstaking process that learning to read was, I realise there is no easy way to do this.

No wine tonight, but plenty chocolate and crying.......

I was pushed too far, m'lud......(VERY angry rant alert)

Met someone today that hasn't seen Hannah for about 2 months, and after 10 minutes of "isn't she TALL? Goodness, she's a GIANT, what do you FEED her on" I snapped. And pointed out that while I had never liked to mention it before, I thought *my* daughter only seemed so tall to her, as *her's* was so small, and really, had she had it checked out? I'm actually very ashamed of myself, (although her dd IS tiny) but its bad enough that we have the paediatrician shaking his head, muttering "off the chart", and talking about hormone producing tumours, and trying to explain to an 8 year old why she is pubertal, but why does every body else feel they need to talk about it in front of her. What am I meant to say? "Goodness, I hadn't noticed that my 8 year old looks 12?" I could ******* weep. If its not ass holes having a swipe about the only child syndrome, and the selfishness and easy life of parents who produce them, its other ass holes talking about her height. Does know one actually know how to talk to a child? Does no one ever stop to think about what it is like to walk in someone esle's shoes? It's either school, her height, or her lack of siblings. Would I REALLY walk up to someone and say "goodness, your child is so SMALL. And she goes to SCHOOL? Oh no, don't you worry about socialisiation? What a terrible environment to put her in! I don't agree with that AT ALL. And she has TWO siblings? Goodness, you can't have any time to spend with her. I think that is SO selfish" No I ****** wouldn't. And I've had enough of people thinking the reverse is OK. This worm is turning. I HATE the world tonight. I'm going to drink wine and cry.

I little more than zits.

I've not been feeling well for ages, and I have this persistent blistery rash in the roof of my mouth, and I am constantly knackered. The dentist looked in my mouth today and asked how long I'd had shingles for ?????? I never realised you could get it there, but he says it looks a pretty classical case. So I'm not being a total wuss after all. I wonder if this would justify some time off work ;-)

The *absolute* lazy approach.

I go off to work, and leave Bob to do it.

They both decided to come to Edinburgh with me yesterday, which was great, as Bob drove, so it was nice to have a day off wrestling with the traffic. While I was at work, they did the Art Gallery in the morning, and the Scottish National Museum in the afternoon, where they took the tour, and learned all sorts of interesting geological facts. Well, interesting to them - not my cup of tea at all.

Today, I came home to find that they had been planning and building an assault course in the back garden. Which must cover everything from design and technology, to carpentry, maths and PE. They had also done a science kit, and Bob and helped her mind map her day yesterday. We are hoping this skill will help her with some of her dyslexic difficulties. Finally, they had cycled into town, bought Wolf Brother, and Bob had read her the first 4 chapters of that.

I came home to find Hannah at Brownies, and Bob slumped in a chair with the wine, just ready to open :-)

I've spoken to my new childminder, and she hasn't changed her mind, and is feeling very relaxed about having a HE child, and seems to have some really good ideas for what to do. She a fair bit more expensive than all the others, but to be honest, I can see why. So I'm feeling pretty chuffed. We are going to see her again next week, to sort out all the paperwork, but I feel really pleased. She has been childminding for 17 years, and her own kids are grown up, so I feel she is probably doing it because she likes it, rather than simply offering a baby sitting service to other people to enable her to stay at home with her own kids. Sorry if that offends any childminders reading this, but one of them even told me that outright, and at least two of the others demonstrated it by their actions. One said that she used to work somewhere else, but this paid more, as she took her maximum numbers, and it meant she could be at home all the time to get on with decorating her flat. It sounds very judgemental I know, as sometimes I *know* that I switch on a DVD simply to get a breathing space, and there is no reason why she shouldn't do the same. it's just I felt there was nothing else going on. Despite registration, it all seems terribly variable.

Formatting a hard disk

Not sure how to do this when you don't open at DOS - which shows how long ago it is since I had my first PC. Anyway, I want to send my old one with windows 95 for re-cycling, but I'd like to wipe the hard disk first. I've copied everything I want. There is nothing on it that needs total un-traceable obliteration, I don't think, I just want to dump all my files etc without having to do it all manually. Any ideas? Anything I need to watch out for? I have used it for ordering from Amazon etc, and I've had a vague worry that it may have my credit card details stored in some deep recess. Is that possible? I'm making room for the laptop that I will be ordering any day now. :-)

Oh dear.....

The childminder I saw yesterday was obviously a one-off. I've seen some scary people today. I'm going to grab her before she changes her mind.

I've got a Stepford child

Just a lazy Sunday. Bob slept for most of it as he was in nightshift (but AFTER he brought me breakfast in bed, Kirsty ;-)), and Hannah and I lay late in bed and read some of the FIAR books again. Well, actually, she asked if I would read her a story, I said yes, and she appeared with 14 books, which she dumped on my lap. But Hannah has been utterly angelic since she came home. Helpful, polite, pleasant, cooperative and charming ALL the time. I'm sort of nervously waiting for the cracks to appear.

Then later this afternoon we had our first interview with the childminder. It's hard to imagine that any of the others we are going to see this week could be better, but we'll go anyway. Hannah took to her straight away, she was interested in home ed. I asked her what she would say if stopped by a truancy patrol, and she said: "this is a minded child. I am unable to give you any information about her in the interests of client confidentiality. Please let me past now" Impressive. I asked her if she had any issues about looking after a home educated child, and she said that she had an equal opportunities policy, and she felt that HE just came under that. Wow. She suggested to Hannah a list of things that Hannah might wish to do while she was there, and told her she was also welcome to bring any of her own toys, computer games etc. I felt really comfortable with her.

She is a little less flexible about timings than my previous one, but for one day a week, I think I can live with that. So - we will see what the others are like, but I feel optimistic about it for the first time in weeks.

It's lovely to have her home. Yesterday we were meant to be hosting the Home Ed group, but no one turned up, so I was really rather cheesed off. It was particularly for that reason Hannah came home on Thursday, as she was originally going to stay till Friday. I had some apologies on the Thursday evening, which was fair enough, but the final family sent an email at 9am yesterday morning to say that they had decided not to come either. Unfortunately, I was off the PC by then, getting ready for them coming, so we sat around all morning like wallies waiting. It was particularly annoying as the people who sent an email on the Thursday had copied the whole group into it, so this person would have realised she was the only one still coming. It's not the cancelling - there are days I don't feel like it either, so I understand that, it was the wasted day waiting for people. I've sent a round robin email suggesting that since we do have them in people's houses, it would be good to have a phone call if people are cancelling on the actual day, so that we know we can go out if everyone is cancelling. But so far, a bit of a resounding silence, so I hope I haven't upset everyone. Although people start arriving at about 10.30, sometimes people are still appearing at 12.45, so you do have to hang around for a long time just in case. Hannah was distraught as she had been making chocolate sponges etc all morning for her friends. From scratch, without any supervision, so I was impressed. She even loaded the dishwasher afterwards.

We then spent the afternoon yesterday doing a Jules round the charity shops and phoning childminders. Having had no luck at all in our own area, despite making about 40 calls "look after an 8 year old - you must be joking", I got the list for the next town along the coast. It's a posh wee place, and all the childminders charge a bit more, but they seemed SO much nicer for some reason. Out of my first four phone calls, I've set up three interviews initially. None of the people were adverse to having an HEed child, all of them had heard of HE, and they all asked really sensible questions. So I am feeling a lot more optimistic on that front. Bob feels on reflection it might even be easier for him to use the next town, as he will be doing the dropping off and picking up, and its much nearer his work.

In the evening, we sorted out the FIAR stuff we have, and put all the science kits in order to get them started again. When not doing that, Hannah spent a lot of time either hanging from her climbing frame, or sitting in the tent part with a book and a couple of cushions. I am so glad we bought it. Although already we are starting to look at adding the tower to it as well, but that will definitely have to be a Xmas present.

Today we all went to a local country park. It has an assault course spread over a couple of huge fields, so Bob and Hannah did that for a couple of hours, and I went for a long walk.Didn't realise how hot it was though - we are all a bit burned now. Hannah has been reading again this evening. I cannot tell you how happy and relieved that makes me.

Now why is that?

When I post by email, they don't actually get posted till I visit blogger and hit publish. Which sort of defeats the point. Just realised that neither of yesterday's blogs had updated.

Together again :-)

Mum and Dad have booked into a rest home for the next fortnight, I think, but a good time was had by all, though I think Hannah was at her limit really, as she burst into tears when Dad drove into the service station and she saw me waiting.

The climbing frame is a huge success, and she is firmly settled into the tent part, with her dolls and a picnic. She was also delighted to come back to a letter from a friend from camp, which has been carefully filed in her diary ;-)

Hannah and I are planning a trip to North Yorkshire at the end of the month, while the caravan sites are still open, and hope to catch up with some people then. She is already planning everything she wants to do. Sometimes I think we live a semi-itinerant lifestyle.

Only 1 sleep to go......

And she'll be home :-) Now I don't understand why my link to my new blog in the side bar isn't working. Anyway, it's my deadly boring training blog, if anyone is interested. I was going to keep it private, simply as its a bit boring, but lots of people have been asking how you get fit just with walking, so I thought I'd give it to them. Feel free to drop by. Ha - the link is working now! See I'm turning into a blogger :-)