Since Xmas is now only 4 weeks away, thought we had better try to generate some holiday spirit here. So had a rather extravagant visit to Lakeland Crafts. Not that we NEEDED craft material, but I thought it might get help me to get motivated to have nice new unopened packets to use, rather than trawling through the stuff we use all the time. So today I managed to stop snivelling before Hannah got up (big achievement) and we've played the soppy Christmas music, and made loads of cards and decorations while wearing Santa hats.

I've also managed to find a knitting pattern for a 16 ins doll, so I am making a set of clothes for BB. Hannah has been longing for one of these for months, and I've done so well on eBay, I decided she could have one *and* her cd player. Hellish price for a doll, though. And I thought I might have bought the wrong one, as the local toy shop had £10 off, and then I sent Bob up into the loft to check it is the *new* bathable one, and not last years. But all was well. Phew. I've also bought a remnant of pink fleece, so I'll have a go at a poncho for it.

Hannah is still reading voraciously. So something good happening.

But I still feel crap, crap, crap. I think I exhausted my coping strategies somewhere along the line. I look at other people, who just (appear to) assume that their pregnancies will actually end with babies, and that the babies they have will then grow up without any major issues, and I want that life. I really do. Hannah isn't even older yet than my niece or my sister was when they died, and it's just one thing after another with her. So optimism isn't my forte atm.

Still feeling a combination of desperately sad and furiously angry, so inside my head is not a good place to be right now. However, in the interests of trying to salvage something from the last week, I've cast around for some positive things to blog. These are:

Lots of walking (me)
Lots of swimming (Hannah)
Around a book a day (Hannah) - worth a mention as it made me neither sad nor angry, which is a huge bonus atm. She is working her way through Mallory Towers now.
Made a few Xmas cards (both of us), in preparation for the MP list.
Deleted anything that isn't personal mail unread (thereby avoiding a load of stuff which would no doubt piss me off, or make me sad)
Had another successful week of eBay selling, can now see from one side of the office to the other, and have made just over £400 in a month.
Ordered some mindless but feel-good DVDs from Amazon, for Hannah and me to watch over Xmas.
Told someone how furiously angry something trivial was making me, and got some helpful and insightful views on why that might be the case. Which doesn't make me less pissed off, I have to say, but does make me feel less like I am going mad.
Have done lots of kissing, cuddling and Barbie playing with Hannah.

Umm - that's it :-/

Hope someone reads this, as I'm off the blog ring just now, but it's my only means of communication. When I open a new email, or hit reply to an exisiting one, the cursor takes off by itself, doing a 1000s of --------. It does it in the address field, or the subject field, or the body - where ever I put the cursor, basically. So I have control of the cursor in terms of where I place it, but nothing else. It does the same in the address bar in IE, so I can't google for a fix, though it will allow me to select a web site from my favourites, hence I can use this. I assumed it was a virus, but I've run a complete test, and nothing is showing up on AVG, which was updated this am, and it was fine earlier. Any ideas?

More moaning

1. DH has worked the last 5 Xmas days, so by any stretch of the imagination this one should have been off for him. Except that all his colleagues have changed in the last three months, and all the new ones have arrived claiming that they have already booked Xmas holidays, which means none of them can work. It's agreed that all their holidays must be honoured. Bob protested, and said *he* had plans as well, but has basically been told its up to him to find cover, and if no one will do it, tough. So happy xmas then. Nice that every one of Hannah's Xmas days will include the memory of daddy not being there. Hannah is heart broken, as we foolishly told her last year that he would certainly be off this year, and I am just like, oh well, have another kick at me, why don't you. (Plus, of course, I am mad as for the first 12 years of our married life, either Bob or I always worked Xmas day, so that people with kids could have it off)

2. I had a discussion with my work yesterday, confirming the post I will be slotted into in the new structure. I am SO angry about that, I'm practically incandescent. While I will have a protected salary etc, it is a major retrograde step. There is still a chance of a promoted position if I apply for it, but I'm not sure I even want it, as everyone who is reporting to me will be people like me, who feel completely hard done by, and will be biding their time till they get out.

3. I made Hannah go to FitKid and drama today, as they run back-to-back, so that I could get a couple of hours to myself. So I did manage a long walk, but didn't reach any resolution in my head about what to do. Bob's response of tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine has a certain appeal, but is hardly practical. He has such faith in me he thinks I could just earn the same without being a wage slave.

4. I am just sooooo pissed off. :-(

Still Ms Grumpy......

so have been trying to spare you all, but OTOH, being hibernated always hangs over me as well ;-)

Had a surprisingly pleasant two days at work, as I was in Aberdeen, so spent Wed night with my mum. It was sort of nice to have her to myself, as I never get a look in when Hannah is about. I'd taken up our old Windows 95 PC for them, and got them connected to the internet etc, which Dad was excessively pleased about. And then in exchange, mum gave me her old computerized sewing machine, as she's just bought an even better one. Which seemed more than a fair exchange to me. Albeit that I have only just paid £50 for a new motor and service for my own one. Had I known this was coming, I'd have chucked it in the bin. Anyway.

Drove home through snow, and watched Dispatches when I got back. And spent a large part of the day laughing up my sleeve (see told you I wasn't a nice person), on all the email lists. Maybe I just have more reason than most to be grateful to medical science. Having seen Hannah with septicaemia, I would have sold my soul for a vaccine to have avoided it. Ah well. It's my blog - I can say what I want ;-)

HE is a disaster just now. I feel completely stuck in a stagnant rut. Hannah avoids ANYTHING that she thinks might involve her engaging her brain for two seconds, and it is driving me mad. I mean SERIOUSLY mad. We seem to scream at one another all the time. If she applied one tenth of the energy that she puts into avoiding things, into actually doing them, she's be so much happier, I think. Today I told her that it seemed to me that she was choosing school by her behaviour, and the way I was feeling, Monday morning was just fine by me. At which point she burst into tears and said she couldn't go to school, as she wouldn't know anyone. So then *I* had a crisis that she *did* want to go, and that was the only thing that was stopping her, so we took ages to untangle that one. But I feel completely uncreative, and like we've been stuck in a rut for ages. What if child led doesn't work, and I'm really screwing up her chances in life. Maybe it's OK for me to be pro-child led learning, but a bit of enforcement at school meant as least I ended up with a good clutch of exam passes, couple of degrees and professional qualifications, and real choices in life. Oh god, I don't know........And today at HE group, one woman, who I really like, was trying to make me feel better by telling me that they were really having time off just now as well, and kids really needed time to consolidate things etc etc. So I was nodding away, snivelling but starting to feel marginally better, when she revealed that what *she* actually meant by that was only an hour of maths/writing etc every day, and the rest was free play. She just didn't see what I meant :-(

I've been in a pig of a mood all day, and Hannah has gone around slamming doors and shouting that no one understand her. Bob says he's going to move out for the next 5 years, and leave us and our hormones to it.

Anyway, feels like a complete waste of a day - Hannah seemed to watch Channel 5 all day, and while arguably Michela's Wild Challenge and a Different Life might have some educational value, I suspect that Mother-in-Law from Hell didn't :-( However, she is now in her room writing a play, so maybe something can be clawed back.

I enthusiastically listed some baby stuff in the local paper last week, but when it came to sorting it out today in preparation for the paper being published, that was good for a fairly major tantrum. And things really went downhill from there. I said we were all going to go out for a drive and have Sunday lunch somewhere, but turned round and caught Bob and Hannah making faces at one another, so I then refused to go anywhere, if they were only going to humour me. Why do I bother acting like that?

Yesterday was only marginally better. Hannah at least had various activities on, and she invited a friend home for the afternoon, so that was OK - I didn't have to over-engage with anyone, and I even supplied the ubiquitous breaded crap for dinner without flinching. Hannah only ever has it when this particular friend visits, and I was past caring. I'm sure it won't kill her for once.

I'm off to bed, doing my bloody Scarlet O'Hara impersonation. Was it her - tomorrow is another day, etc??

Still feeling crap, but trying to force myself to act like a human bean. Hannah had another very happy two days at the childminder this week. Even given the option of not going for one of them, she decided she would like to go. ("So long as you don't think this means I want to go to school". LOL) Anyway, they continued the first aid theme, and Flora is going to test Hannah on this for her Brownie badge. They've decided to choose a badge a month, and work towards it. She also helped Hannah do a mini project on Remembrance Day yesterday.

Today, we had the home ed group at our house. Fortunately only 4 other children came, as Hannah really wasn't up to it, and reminded me in lots of ways of the four year old she was - spent a lot of the time cuddled on my lap, sucking her thumb. She's not a happy child this week.

However, since everyone went home, she has been painting like mad - watercolours, poster paints, acrylics, finger paints, foot paints, you name it, and she seems much calmer now. After 5 solid hours of painting, the kitchen looks like Tate Modern.

Lots of thanks for all the on and off blog emails over the last few days. Normal service will be resumed shortly :-)

Self pitying whinge alert

Went to the hospital, and fell out with the nurse (good start), as we always ask to see the consultant. We phone the afternoon before to check he is doing his clinic, and if he isn't we change the appt. If he is, I always ask the nurse when we arrive if we can see him. We don't mind if that means a wait, but a) after 8 years, I trust him b) he is the only one that Hannah is prepared to see. c) Hannah doesn't mind if he has students or junior doctors with him, so long as he is the one in charge d) before we adopted this strategy, we wasted far too many visits seeing doctors who didn't know our history, didn't know what she needed, and would never see us again to care anyway. It's not usually a problem, but this staff nurse today did the big sigh sigh thing, and said that if *everyone* asked to see the consultant, he would be there all day. I asked if he had a long queue, and she admitted that he didn't. Then she said other doctors needed to learn, and they never would if people *like us* always wanted to see the consultant. So I said that Hannah and I had discussed this, and she understood this was a teaching hospital, and she was happy to have another doctor present if that would be helpful. The she said (cow), that it was hardly the same, if all the *interesting* cases refused to be seen by the junior doctors, and they were only allowed to be in an observation role. At which point, I lost it, told her my child wasn't exhibit A, and that if she didn't stop trying to intimidate us, I would be reporting her to the consultant, the senior nurse, and the Trust. We got to see the consultant.

Then Hannah brassed her off again, by telling him that if she needed bloods, she wanted him to do them then and there. Cue Nurse: "all children have to go to the ward to have bloods done. It will make you scared of the clinic if you have them here". Hannah said that she was scared anyway, and thinking about it for an hour on the ward wouldn't help, and she never cried, so she wouldn't be frightening anyone else, and anyway " mum wouldn't let the doctor on the ward do it last time, as he hadn't got it after three goes, so she made him get my OWN doctor anyway" That's my girl. Anyway, the consultant, was, as always wonderful with her. very sensitive and gentle, and treated her as if she was the most important person there.

But amongst all that, really sad news. Hannah is well established in puberty, and he feels that the best option now is to let it progress, and just see her regularly to ensure that there this is a benign process. As she is already 4ft 10ins, they hope that even if her bones fuse relatively young, she will still achieve a normal-ish height. And there is something deeply distressing to me to have an 8 year old, with the body and emotions of a teenager, who still believes in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy.

I'll get over it and cope, because there is no option but to do that. But I feel very sorry for myself tonight. I struggled to have one bloody baby, damn near killed the both of us in the process, and she hasn't had a month since she was born where her health has been a non-issue. And I KNOW that everyone worries about their kids. That it goes with the territory. But to cope with this ISN'T the norm. It isn't fair. And sometimes I really hate it.

Sure I had an OK day, but all my focus is on the next hospital check up tomorrow for Hannah. Hate them, hate them, hate them. And now we're back on three monthly reviews it feels like I'm constantly either recovering from one, or anticipating one. I'm sure someone out there is living the life I was meant to have. Well, I bloody wish they'd give it back.

Very quick, not too introspective.....

Dashed out and got the last pink CD/cassette/radio in town. It's on its way to Santa for delivery at Xmas so that's the big present sorted. Hannah is very sweet about asking for one thing only, and then she is so taken with anything else she gets. Though actually, that's not much, as we don't have any relatives. While I was doing that, Bob and Hannah put the garden to sleep for the winter.

Working tomorrow, as going to meet the Unison person. Spent some time this afternoon reviewing franchise information, and pulling together lists of questions I want to ask.

And that's it. I think I'm getting the family cold, though. Yuck. I wish everyone wouldn't feel the need to share.

Examines belly button for fluff........

Was trying to be a good little wifey tonight and keep Bob company, as it's one of his rare Saturday nights off, but he is watching Spooks, so I feel that lets me off my obligations. So I thought I'd blog to keep Jax company ;-)

Hannah is a bit under the weather today, so apart from a quick trip into town to let her buy the next three of the Secret Unicorn series in 3 for 2 at Ottackers, she's lain in a sleeping bag on the sofa all day. And I had a long lie, having been up at 3am to dispense Calpol.

I've been trying to sketch out some goals and aspirations for myself. The Unison branch official is going to meet me on Monday, so that we can discuss whether this current round of re-organisations can legally be taken to constitute redundancy. I just so don't feel I want to re-apply for posts in the new structure, and have all the hassle that comes with a new job, when there are no jobs there that really light me up. So I've been looking at a range of franchises, and thinking about whether I want to take something like that on. Freelance work is one thing, but it's erratic, and it means that I just produce stuff by the metre really, so if I wasn't working in paid employment as well, I would want something more stimulating. I've let things slip by in the hope that there might be another baby, but there won't be now, so I think maybe I should reflect on what else I want to do. While the thought of a couple years off would be pleasant, I have also to be realistic, and consider whether I would be able to get back on the career ladder at that point. Had I had Hannah in my late 20s, then the debate would have been different, but I didn't, and I don't want to go straight from child-care to organising the local charity shop, so I feel I need to keep my hand in. Anyway, introspective, but not depressed.

I've also been musing a bit on the messages that are given to children, and trying to think about how I do on that score. It was interesting to see Nic's post, as I've been having parallel thoughts myself. Sometimes I feel that it would be very easy to manipulate a child's personality, while ignoring their character. I'm not sure if any of this will make sense - these are still unformed thoughts. But I am always very conscious of the power that I do actually have over Hannah. I know this won't last ;-), but atm, one of her prime drivers is probably to make me happy, pleased with her, proud of her. And that worries me. Sometimes I see her look over at me to check (I hallucinate) that I am approving of whatever she is doing. And I wonder if that need for approval in some way indicates a lack of regard for self. I wonder if somewhere along the line I have failed to give her the message, or maybe even worse, blocked her intrinsic belief, that she is absolutely OK just as she is, and that she has all the resources she needs, and that whatever she is doing at this time, is clearly the thing she needs to do for her own development. Because while I believe that in my heart, there are many times when I don't demonstrate it by my actions.

And while compared to many kids, I would argue that she lives relatively free from coercion, peer pressure, extrinsic motivators like stickers and tick charts, I do wonder if somewhere, she is getting a message that I believe she is in some way incapable or inadequate. When I decided not to send her to school, one of the nursery teachers argued vehemently with us that by not sending her, we were saying to her "this situation is too hard for you. You couldn't cope with it". MY take on it was rather that SHE was telling US loudly and incessantly, that school (and indeed that nursery), was not the right place for her, and what we were saying was "we hear you, and we respect your right to feel like that, and we are fortunately in a position where we can offer you another option". But I feel a constant need to self monitor that situation. Not about school, I've no real worries about that, but in life generally.

It's easy (for me, anyway, but I'm so shallow), to feel pleased when someone says nice things about my child. But what is the core message that the child gets in that situation? Could it be that if they are not being pleasing, then they are in some way not coming up to scratch? OTOH, I don't want her to be inconsiderate, or unkind to other people. Someone said to me she "gave such a good image of HE". And yes, I had a proud mummy moment. But then I thought maybe that is not right. Why should any group be judged in the behaviour of a few people - either positively or negatively. And why should she have any obligation, implied or actual, to show that group in a good light. I'm going round in circles here. I should go and join the TCSers at this rate.

But sometimes I worry that children learn a whole bunch of social skills, and they're like elastoplast, or panadol, and these pleasing personality traits don't allow the child to develop the strength of character, the absolute grounding, in the "being OK". Oh, goodness, better hit post before I disappear up my own arse.......

What's a reasonable length of time to give it before getting narky with slow payers on eBay?

I've got two auctions that are 10 days old - one I've heard nothing, the other checked out within 30 mins of the auction finishing, but haven't heard anything since. I sent an invoice straight away, a pleasant reminder after 7 days, but no response from either. I've got another two that are six days old, and I've had no contact from either of them, and they haven't used checkout. They've both had one invoice. Any advice? Am I just being unrealistic? Thank you :-)

Oh, dear, the childminder is more educational than me!

Tried to post this last night, but blogger wasn't having any of it.

This was one of the weeks where Hannah needed to have two days at the childminder. They don't happen that often, and she could have got away with not going yesterday, but she was keen to get started, and I didn't want to put her off. Anyway, she tells me that :
Flora has started off some knitting for her, and is helping her to make some dolls clothes
She is teaching her crochet (beyond me)
She has taught her how to put someone into the recovery position, and how to put a bandage on, and they are going to learn a new first aid technique every week
Hannah told Flora how much she hates writing, and Flora has suggested to her that she gets a pen name so no one knows it is her writing, and then that she thinks of a magic place she would like to visit, and then pretend that she is a journalist and photographer, and makes up news about it. Hannah tells me she is going to pretend that she is a journalist in the 100 Acre Wood, and make up stories about pooh et al. If she takes them with her next week, Flora is then going to help her lay it out as if it was a newsletter, complete with photos etc.

I almost can't believe this is for real. Hannah really loved our old childminder, and I trusted her totally, but it did feel a bit uncreative and studious sometimes, so I can't believe that someone who just seems to "get" HE, having not even heard of it till she met us, could just fall into our path like this.

Um - what else. Mouth full of blisters again. Can't believe really that shingles would behave like this, no matter what the dentist says. Sold a vast amount on eBay - Hannah is ecstatic, and we are going to look at cabin beds over the weekend, as she has made enough to buy it herself. Can't believe it myself, really. And I uploaded a whole load of other stuff this evening for free listing day, but it's scraping the bottom of the barrel a bit. We're at the flogging the unwanted birthday present stage ;-) But once I get all the parcels out, I'll have some space, at least. I haven't loaded any curtains yet though, as I wanted to wash them first, but can't do that till the washing machine is fixed. Oh - and the Singer man said it was worth putting my sewing machine back on the road - I thought it might have died completely, but he says that he can still get parts for it, and it's going to cost about £20, so cheaper than replacing it.

Did anyone watch holiday swap? Ashamed to admit I did, but fascinating in its awfulness. What WAS that guy like???

I need to find another name for this blog - it's just not working for me. And a new design. I've just had dreamweaver put on my work machine (not sure why, as I have no intention of updating any websites,), but I did have a nice play with it. I'm talking myself into webspace, Jax.

Oh, and Tech - Hannah was giving me grief this evening about getting started on the science as well - did you do one today? Let me know which, and we'll have a bash too :-)

A different phase

Hannah started at her new childminder today, and by all accounts had a whale of a time. Flora says Hannah is completely delightful (?), Hannah says Flora is really good fun, and has lots going on, and took them to the park, and then she did loads of crafts, and when Bob picked her up, she was playing a board game with one of the after school children. Me - I sat on pins all day, barely resisted phoning more than once to check she'd settled OK, and rushed home from work early to see her. I really hope this mutual admiration thing lasts. Flora is actually much more suited to what Hannah needs, and as she has kids coming in and out all the time, there is a bit of a buzz around the place. The last one had started to become a bit of an issue, as she had started to expect Hannah to do "school" work all day, and Hannah was spending a fair bit of time on her own I think, "working". Hannah was worried though that I would say too much and rock the boat, so it was probably as well that it came to a natural end. Lets face it, only children get enough opportunities for quiet time. If I'm paying someone else to look after her, I would much rather they provided her with something I can't give her. So - Bob just gone out on night shift, and Hannah has moved into the double bed so we can snuggle all night :-)

Capitalist, entrepreneur or self sufficient?

Not sure what I've been teaching Hannah recently. She *really* wants a cabin bed - a mid-sleeper with the pull out desk etc. She has a perfectly good divan that was bought new for her when she was three, so I have told her if she wants a new one, she needs to raise at least 50% of the cash herself. By that, I had really envisaged that she would save her Christmas, birthday money etc. However, clearly fired by enthusiasm by all the little entrepreneurs selling stones from the beach at HESFES, she decided she would drag her toys onto the pavement and sell them to passing locals. Which is where eBay came in really, as I explained that was probably a better way of doing it. I've helped her with the admin, but basically I told her it was her project - she needed to work out the descriptions, take the photos, upload them, check the email all the time, decide what to say to anyone who asked a question, keep records of the money, help with weighing and wrapping the parcels and so on. So in there must be literacy, customer care, practical maths, book keeping, and IT, at least. But the really amazing thing is that already she has almost made enough to buy a cabin bed outright. And the clothes, generally speaking are making more than the toys. The best so far was £16 for a second hand Monsoon dress, which only cost me £6 in the sale a couple of years ago. I'm totally amazed. I hope she doesn't have too many disappointments though, as the money has been counted before its in the bank, and at least two people who bought things 7 days ago haven't been in touch at all yet, and haven't responded to any emails. But it has inspired her to clear out her cupboards, and I'm going to try to sell some curtains and so on as well now. It's a bit catching :-) I still find it impossible to part with anything she had pre-5 really, but the older stuff, I see as "hers" so it's up to her what she chooses to do with it, within reason.

However, bit of an embarrassment in the bank today, as she was paying in about 10 cheques for varying amounts. The teller asked her if it had been her birthday, and Hannah informed her she was an internet trader, which is what I've jokingly been calling her. The woman said that it must be hard to fit that around school, and Hannah of course says she doesn't go to school. So the teller asks what she has been leaning this week at home, and Hannah's response: "to make money". Hmm.

Not much else - she's been stroppy recently, and seems a bit stressed about something, but won't say what. She re-started Jazz classes tonight, and it seems to have gone well, and tomorrow is the first proper day with the new childminder, and she seems very optimistic about it.

Oh - and the bloody washing machine is phucked, now. And how do they justify that they charge me £80 a year for a service/repair contract, and then not be able to make an "assessment" visit for nearly three weeks. DH has been told to get the top off in the morning, and see if he can do it, and to hell with invalidating the warranty. And my car is making a funny knocking noise from the back end. Sigh. I need a 5 year old diesel estate, preferably not a Citroen (hate DH's), with a relatively low mileage, if anyone has one going spare...

Edited - almost forgot, as part of the occasional series Naff Notices, saw this in M&S today: "Please, if entering the toilet area, remember that you should ensure, that all items you have purchased, have not yet still to be paid for".

I probably do need wordpress.......

...... so that I can have a special category for people who PISS ME OFF. And I've been well pissed off this evening. If you want to disagree with me, I shall probably tell you to fuck off, numbnut. So don't say you haven't been warned. If you want to make soothing and empathetic noises, then that's probably OK. Probably.

The only thing that would have potentially saved my sister's life was a heart and lung transplant. But organ donation was still largely a pioneering treatment then, with a low success rate, so she didn't. They tried something else, and killed her anyway.

But that isn't what this is about. I only tell you that to indicate that organ donation is something that I have always had an awareness of, I guess. Organ transplant is something that has been on the peripherary of my consciousness since I was 17, as something that didn't always happen to other people. I've always carried a donor card, and when the register came into being, signed us all up on that. But it's not something I dwell on every day.

There was no real risk of Hannah needing a kidney transplant. As everyone loves to tell me, you only "need" one. Well, whoop de doop. Let's just whip your spare one out, shall we, if they are so superfluous. Some other poor sod could really benefit from it. But we've spent long enough hanging round paediatric renal wards to see plenty of kids who DO need transplants. At the time Hannah had her surgery, several of the children having dialysis on the unit were casualties of Scotland's e coli outbreak in 1995. (Which explains my somewhat neurotic food hygiene issue.) But yes, you only "need" one - unless something goes wrong with that one, and then you are a bit stuck. No spare parts matey. Bob and I have this rather macabre joke, "what colour was your pee today? Oops, better drink more. Look after your spare one in case Hannah needs it". or "I've got two kidneys - one I use, and one I'm keeping warm in case Hannah needs it". OK, it's sick, but it makes US laugh.

Now I'm not evangelical about this. I don't believe that organ donation should be compulsory. I do believe that people should be allowed to be buried organ intactus if they feel the need. *I* can't understand why they would feel the need, but I do respect that for some people, their faith may proscribe organ donation. And that's fine. But what's NOT fine is for some prat to say they would "never" agree to organ donation, as they hated the thought of being messed about with. (At this point, all around me people are leaping for the shelters.) So I ask them, in a very gentle, considered voice if they also have a fundamental disagreement with organ transplantation. ie - they would not consider accepting an organ for themselves, or their child, if it was the only thing that would save their life. And in the case of kidney transplants certainly, has a very high success rate. And you know this - they were even too stupid to see where that line of questioning was going, and moderate their response. They just kept right on going. And - surprise surprise - they WOULD accept a donation if THEY needed it, they just didn't like the idea of the "bodysnatchers" (not my quotes), going for them after they were dead. Now is it only me who finds this rather an anomalous argument? And to think it all started as we were discussing what happened on Casualty on Saturday.....